As they take the air in and out of themselves with sweaty, deliberate pains they are quickly seized by the moment itself and shaken. They open their eyes again for the first time to the possibility of their actual existence. They suddenly understand that they are on TV. That they are their stories, stories for those who have not yet come to their own pains of breath or realized their own narrative dependence.
We live in a nation founded upon an idea of government that would safeguard the well being and livelihood of the citizenry. These ideals were put to the fire and trampled.
Well I had a bit of a scare at the Doctor’s office. He let me know that due to my elevated blood pressure I was dangerously close to either a stroke or a heart attack, and then he proceeded to send me to the ER for further checks and monitoring. They confirmed that my blood pressure was very high but they couldn’t see doing anything further than my Doctor had prescribed. I returned home with a fistful of prescription medications and a cloud of concern. That’s putting it mildly as I was actually quite afraid. Afraid and embarrassed. How had I allowed this to happen?
When we imagine the natural world our tendency is to view it as a unified whole with our own selves, and others we deem like us, as distinct and, in strange ways, unattached to the scene surveyed. Like scientists attempting to observe an experimental system hoping to see the inner workings of the whole. Separate.
Nature is indifferent. Unmoved by our insistence of difference. We are crawling with the stuff, literally being consumed by it at this very moment, by the forces we consistently distance from our experience of it.
Yesterday, I could not shake the feeling that I had no place in the natural world, that my only real functions existed as part of the artifice of a social order that held itself apart from Nature. I watched as insects seemed to move about with such imbued purpose. Fulfilled, never lacking in purpose, making the whole of world ‘go’ in this place.
I cannot imagine any person with whom I would converse describe successful parenting as only meeting the needs of one of their five children. One eats while the others merely watch. The one drinks glass after glass of fresh water while the other four attempt to dryly swallow their envy. That the one child be given treatment for pneumonia while the others cough and weaken, fingers crossed they recover at all. No this is not how any parent would describe their picture of a job well done. But for whatever reason this is what many in the world consider an acceptable or even desirable ideal when it comes to the well being of billions of people.
(Pretty sure these are some meanderings upon the idea of taking thousands off Medicare in an effort to make the United States great “again”. There is nothing great about sickness, or ignorance, or hunger, but this seems to be preferable than any policy that might resemble a socialist program.)
Doubt can be a powerful factor in life. We are painfully aware of not knowing every detail about many, if not all, of the important persons, places, and things that affect us.
Where is god in this place? Is it too crowded, is it too empty?
(Just something that I had sitting in the ‘Drafts’ folder. Wonder what I might have been alluding to then? I have an idea what that might be now.)